Beauty standards vary by region, and self-acceptance is essential. One man tried to support his wife, and later suggested a nose job, causing conflict.
He accepts Her as she is
“I love my wife,” the husband makes it abundantly clear before he shares his story. “We’ve been married for 3 years and there’s nothing I would change about her…” The problem comes a little after his declaration.
His wife hates her nose.
She Always Has Something to Say
For years, the woman has complained about this one feature. It’s too large. It’s too hooked. It’s ugly. Like any good spouse, the husband immediately tried to make her feel better. “I would try to comfort her and tell her it’s beautiful and she doesn’t have to change anything.”
She never believed him. The wife hated what she saw in the mirror and complained every single day. The husband’s attempts to comfort her only led to fights. She’d get aggressive and yell. She’d call him a liar, assuming he just said what he thought she wanted to hear. It began to put a major strain on the marriage.
He is Proud of their heritage
Except her husband wasn’t lying. Not only did he like her nose, but he also has a very similar nose himself and felt proud of the heritage it represented.
Her complaints rubbed him the wrong way. “It’s really uncomfortable for me to hear her complaints because we both have the same nose (big crooked Middle Eastern nose), so every time she says how disgusting and ugly she finds her nose to be it breaks my heart a bit because I can’t help but wonder if she feels the same way about my nose too.”
What Could Be the Reason?
He wondered if the issue ran deeper. Maybe she experienced racism or some other trauma around her nose? It made sense considering that his wife was super confident about everything else. “She loves how she looks,” he shared—with the exception of her nose. He tried suggesting therapy casually at various points in their relationship, to no avail.
She Thought of getting a nose job
One day, a different solution fell into their laps.
“Two weeks ago she got a raise at her job,” the husband wrote, “and today she suggested the idea of getting a nose job.”
A nose job would definitely fix the issue. While he had no problem with her nose, she clearly spent her whole life hating it. The level of mental distress it caused her, regardless of what he said, merited a drastic solution.
he supported her idea
So, when his wife suggested the procedure, he offered his full support. “I said that if she’s that insecure about it to the point that it’s affecting her mental health, then she should get it done.”
Well, that was clearly the wrong thing to say.
Her unexpected reaction
His wife EXPLODED. She was pissed, and her feelings were hurt. “She… said that I should’ve said no to the idea,” the husband lamented. “She left the house to go to her mother’s, and I haven’t been able to get in touch with her since.”
Social Media Users Weigh In
Social media users were sympathetic to the husband’s position. He had tried to affirm his wife in her beauty, but that backfired. Then he tried to support her decision to make a change, but that too backfired.
Many felt it was a lose-lose situation. “There’s no winning here,” one person commented. “She would have been mad either way. She needs to either make peace with her nose or change it.”
She needs therapy, not a nose job
Others agreed. One woman went as far as to suggest that the wife apologize for putting him in such a terrible position. “So she’s insecure and miserable in her insecurity, proposed a solution that would actually fix her issue, and then goes and gets offended when you agree with her? Bro. There was no winning there for you… As a woman, I’m telling you that she owes you an apology for whatever the h*** that was.”
Some users felt the solution was therapy. They want the wife to unpack her insecurities and get help, saying, “She should spend that extra income on therapy.”
she realizes her struggles
It appears the wife will be taking that route.
In an update, the husband shared that—for now—his wife has decided against the nose job. She is spending the raise on body dysmorphia therapy.
According to Mayo Clinic, body dysmorphic disorder is “a mental health condition in which you can’t stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance — a flaw that appears minor or can’t be seen by others.” This condition may explain the wife’s fixation on her nose.
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conclusion
In a world where certain body types and looks are hailed above others, it is easy to develop crippling insecurities. Therapy will hopefully help this wife overcome those insecurities and improve the couple’s marriage. The online community is rooting for her.
This article was produced and syndicated by TPR Teaching. Source.
I'm an Irish tutor and founder of TPR Teaching. I started teaching in 2016 and have since taught in the UK, Spain, and online.
I love learning new things about the English language and how to teach it better. I'm always trying to improve my knowledge, so I can better meet the needs of others!
I enjoy traveling, nature walks, and soaking up a new culture. Please share the posts if you find them helpful!