Getting married is often a joyous occasion for parents, but one young woman chose to keep her family off the wedding list over disputes on pronoun use.
The Stunning Wedding
According to her online retelling, the 25-year-old woman and her wife (aged 30) have been together for five years. The pair got engaged in 2021 and were soon married in early 2022.
“A winter wedding, gorgeous and small, with only close friends, my maternal grandparents, and my wife’s mom,” she recalled fondly and added that she was the first grandchild to be married on both sides of her family.
They Decided Not To Invite Her Disrespectful Family
The reason for her family’s absence was fairly straightforward: none of the online user’s relatives approve of her non-binary wife. “I’m very feminine, and my wife is more masculine, but both of us are very much queer and in love,” the young woman shared.
According to the Redditor, her parents and siblings have intentionally misgendered her spouse ever since meeting them. “After my extended family met my wife for the first time, they extensively called them ‘he,’” she wrote. “We understand people make mistakes, but this was deliberate.”
An Intersex Wife
“My wife is very open about being intersex,” the young woman explained. “Her voice is deeper, and she has surplus testosterone, but she identifies with ‘she/they’ pronouns and rejects male identification on any grounds.”
Planned Parenthood describes ‘intersex’ as “a general term used for a variety of situations in which a person is born with reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t fit the boxes of ‘female’ or ‘male.’” Estimates suggest that roughly 1-2 out of 100 people in the U.S. are born intersex.
An Intersex Wife
It is a natural biological variation that can present in many ways. An intersex person can have either (1) a different combination of chromosomes, (2) genitals that present both male and female characteristics or (3) an external appearance that does not correspond with their internal sex organs or hormones.
In the case of this young woman’s wife, “She has a female-sexed body but higher levels of testosterone. She is intersex; they identify as nonbinary.”
Cutting Ties With Family Members
Since her family’s rejection hurt her non-binary partner “very deeply,” the Redditor chose to stay away and limit her interactions with them. The only exception to this rule were her maternal grandparents, who embraced her partner wholeheartedly and loved them as one of their own. “My grandpa and they have the same sense of humor, and I love watching them interact,” she wrote. This positive, caring attitude ensured that the young woman’s grandparents received invites to the intimate wedding.
The Couple’s Anniversary
One year after the happy event, the online user’s wife chose to celebrate the couple’s wedding anniversary in a typically millennial fashion: with a social media post. They uploaded a carousel of wedding photos to Instagram, proclaiming their love for the Redditor in the caption and wishing for “many more anniversaries in the future.”
The Family Found Out
“My younger sister, who I didn’t know followed me, saw them and showed my parents and extended family, who subsequently blew up my phone for weeks about not inviting them to my milestone and how my ‘husband’ must have brainwashed me,” the young woman revealed.
She Sent Them an Explanation
After the Redditor’s spouse was forced to remove the post due to the family’s offensive, prejudiced messages, the young woman finally confronted her relatives through an email that read:
To all of whom did not attend my wedding,
Your refusal to accept my wife as she is was what prevented you all from receiving an invitation. Grandma and Grandpa attended because they were able to recognize my wife for who she is and love her for her.
If you did not receive an invitation, it was because you have either: a) insulted my wife by calling her pronouns she does not identify with on purpose, b) called my wife my ‘friend’ instead of my girlfriend or partner when we were dating, or c) expressed homophobic views in the past. Please do not call her names or drag us online when it is your behavior that got you in this mess.
Was She Wrong For How She Handled The Situation?
However, the young woman felt increasingly conflicted since sending the email: “My wife is saying she could have toughed it out for one day, and my entire family is angry that I didn’t invite them. … I feel like I did something wrong.” Was she mistaken in excluding her family from that momentous occasion?
Social Media Doesn’t Think So
Fellow Redditors rushed to the post’s comment section to reassure the young woman. They applauded her behavior and encouraged a definitive separation. “Why be in contact with the toxic family members at all? Block them, I’d say,” reads the top-voted piece of advice.
“Imagine tarnishing your own wedding day by ‘toughing it out’ to appease a bunch of closed-minded a***oles. That’s not the way to start your lives together,” declared another online user. “You did the right thing. Congrats on the marriage.”
They Decided To Go No Contact
Well-wishers were soon satisfied with a quick update only a day later. The couple has officially gone ‘No Contact’ with the young woman’s family, except the maternal grandparents. She made the decision after realizing that “their disrespect of me and my partner is unacceptable.”
They Were Having a Baby
In addition to this announcement, the Redditor also shared some happy news. After six months of IVF, the couple has now discovered that they are expecting. The young woman is currently eleven weeks pregnant, and the sperm donor is a friend who served as a witness at their wedding.
“Here’s hoping to many more years together and a lot more peace and relaxation, until the baby comes, that is,” she signed off in her final update. “All the love to you all!”
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Caitriona Maria is an education writer and founder of TPR Teaching, crafting inspiring pieces that promote the importance of developing new skills. For 7 years, she has been committed to providing students with the best learning opportunities possible, both domestically and abroad. Dedicated to unlocking students' potential, Caitriona has taught English in several countries and continues to explore new cultures through her travels.