His New Girl Admitted She Was Trans And He Did Something He Regretted

In a complex dating landscape, a cisgender man faced backlash for rejecting a transgender woman, sparking a debate on preferences vs. discrimination.

Unexpected Revelation and Immediate Rejection

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As any modern love story do, the story began with a dating app. The author expressed how he had mingled with a woman and had a series of dates with her.

The shocking Truth

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Things were getting heated by the fourth encounter. It wasn’t until then that his date confessed her transgender identity and her surgical history. The revelation shocked the author as he immediately expressed his discomfort.

It Resulted in a Breakup

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“Sorry, I thought you were a cis woman. Even though I would respect you and treat you as a woman, I am not comfortable seeing you anymore,” expressed the author.

Accusations Fired

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Enraged, the woman accused him of being transphobic because of his rejection, arguing that he should reevaluate his stance.

The author grappled with whether his choice not to date transgender women was anchored in personal comfort or if it was rooted in the realm of transphobia.

It’s a Form Of “Cognitive Dissonance”

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“It’s not about wanting to have kids, neither is it about genital preference completely,” the man said. “But something about them intrinsically being the same member of the sex DOES turn me off and makes me uncomfortable.”

“Somewhere along the lines, considering a trans woman and a cis woman indistinguishable ONLY IN THE DATING SCENE makes me experience cognitive dissonance,” stated the author.

Supporting LGBTQ+ Rights but with Boundaries

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The man expressed that he respects and supports LGBTQ+ rights, including trans individuals’ right to use spaces that concern their gender and identity.

However, he elaborated that he is not comfortable engaging in romantic relationships, even with post-operative transgender women.

He attempted to draw the line between supporting rights and his feelings of attraction. He asked if he was an a***ole for feeling this way.

Social Media Users Expressed Their perspectives

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A netizen commented, “People are taking it too far. Attraction is not PC. You can’t help who you are attracted to.”

“From a lesbian who has been repeatedly called a bigot for not being interested in sleeping with a trans woman. It’s wild out here,” stated another netizen.

Preferences Versus Phobia

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The hot take on the matter is the difference between having preferences and genuine transphobia. A number of commentators emphasized that having preferences isn’t inherently transphobic, and the accusation of transphobia in such scenarios is not a strong argument.

“Calling you transphobic just because you won’t date her is just wrong.”

Date Who You Wish To Date


“Attraction is a preference. I’m straight; that doesn’t mean that I’m attracted to all men, and not all straight men are attracted to me.”

“You have the right to date who you want. I’m so tired of the word phobic being thrown around the way it is.”

Good Communication is Key

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Members of both the cis and trans communities expressed their past experiences related to the situation. Some stressed the vital need for transparent communication during the early stages of dating to ensure that both parties are on the same page.

“You didn’t disrespect her in any way. As a cis woman, I would want to know upfront about the situation and be allowed to decide for myself before being put into that situation.”

Make a Statement

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“As a trans girl, it’s all over my profile, and I ask about past experiences with other trans or queer people long before the first date when dating cis people.”

Perhaps There Is an Unconscious Bias?

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Furthermore, some of the commenters raised inquiries about the possibility of unconscious biases affecting dating preferences, even when individuals believe they’re being inclusive.

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Final Thoughts

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The discussion reminds us that, as humans, it is completely valid to have personal preferences, whether they may or may not be aligned with society’s current norm.

In the end, the experience of the man ignited a broader conversation about the boundaries of personal preferences, the nuances of attraction, and the challenges of navigating a rapidly changing dating landscape in the midst of evolving gender norms of the ever-developing society. 

This article was produced by TPR Teaching. Source.

Caitriona Maria is an education writer and founder of TPR Teaching, crafting inspiring pieces that promote the importance of developing new skills. For 7 years, she has been committed to providing students with the best learning opportunities possible, both domestically and abroad. Dedicated to unlocking students' potential, Caitriona has taught English in several countries and continues to explore new cultures through her travels.

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