Is a spouse’s weight ever a reasonable excuse for divorce? A 32-year-old man shared how he was considering leaving his wife because of her weight gain.
Sharing that he still loved his wife, he reached out to social media to figure out whether separation was the right approach.
The original poster’s wife “put on a good amount of baby weight” during her pregnancy. Three years later, instead of losing the added pounds, she gained more and more weight.
He wondered at the time if it was post-partum depression, a type of depression that happens after giving birth.
Therapy And Pills Are The Answer
The original poster (OP) suggested his wife seek therapy as a means to cope and overcome her depression. She took the advice and found a therapist to support her. She also began taking anti-depressants.
While it took some time to find the proper medicine, once she and her therapist got it right, the pills helped. The husband said, “She’s been fine mentally” ever since.
The Weight Piled On
Despite the improvements to her mental health, his wife’s physical health remained an issue. Over the course of the next three years, she continued to put on weight. With a height of 5’2 and a weight of 260 pounds, her BMI reached “close to 50.”
The BMI, or Body Mass Index, is a ratio between height and weight. According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), a BMI of 30.0 or above is considered obese. The husband’s concern stemmed not from a lack of physical attraction but from fear that “she will die if she continues to gain weight.”
OP tried various strategies to motivate his wife. He invited her to go to the gym with him. He offered to start a diet with her, saying they would eliminate fast food together.
He suggested active hobbies to help burn calories. His wife turned down every single one of his ideas.
Lose The Weight Or I Will Leave!
At a loss, he felt like his only option was to give his wife an ultimatum. She could either “genuinely try” to lose the weight, or he would leave her.
OP went on to say, “I can’t watch the woman I love and mother of my child slowly kill herself. I don’t want to be the dude who gives an ultimatum, but I see no other choice.”
Torn over the decision, he sought advice from his online community.
Users Responded to the Social Media Post
The reception to his initial post was not great. He was called names for even mentioning his wife’s weight. Users pointed out that a person can be “overweight and healthy,” to which he countered by emphasizing his wife was obese—not merely overweight.
“You cannot be obese and healthy, at least not long term,” he wrote. He addressed comments labeling his concerns as vanity by sharing his own story and perspective. “I understand weight loss isn’t easy. I used to be overweight, but my concern isn’t that she’s not the same way she looked when we got together; it’s that she may not live to see our son become a teenager.”
Not all the comments were negative, however. Some advised him to face the situation head-on.
Taking All Feedback on Board
He got some “real good feedback” and decided to talk to his wife directly about his feelings before making a decision.
After putting his son to bed, OP asked his wife if they could speak in the kitchen. He said he needed her to “at least try and be healthier.” Prior talks had failed to convey how seriously concerned he was, so he mentioned the idea of separation this time.
He says sharing that piece “put the nail in the coffin” and got her to understand. “The conversation was probably the hardest one I’ve ever had.”
Turning Life Around For The Better
In the five months since that difficult conversation, his wife has lost 35 pounds. “I am so proud of her; it’s ridiculous,” he shared in an update. The first month proved challenging, but she is now losing weight at a “healthy moderate rate.”
The couple also started exercising together. Three days a week, they walk for a mile or two, listening to music or talking. “I know it sounds corny to say, but she even seems happier, and her confidence is coming back as well.”
OP thanked those who supported him and whose advice guided him to this point. Users celebrated the triumph with him. Many shared that while his first approach to an ultimatum wasn’t great, they could tell it came from a place of love.
Some were happy to see his excitement and hear about his wife’s weight loss. “Rooting for her!” one user wrote.
Netizens Shared Their Weight Loss Journeys
Other users took the opportunity to seek advice for their own weight loss journeys. A user wrote: “If I’m at that height and weight range? What do I do? Eating is my source of stress relief and happiness when I’m not with my partner. How do I get help?”
Another user shared about their own obesity and weight loss journey and commended the OP on his choice to have those tough conversations. “When your friends and family honestly love you,” the user stated, “they will actually have the terrible, hard, gut-wrenching conversation with you about stuff you don’t want to hear.”
Brighter Days Ahead
The post has become a place of supportive comments directed at the OP and his wife but also at those willing to share their stories and seek help.
In the end, both OP and his wife are happier and looking forward to a healthier future together.
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This article, Man Threatens To Leave His Wife Due to Her Weight Gain, was produced and syndicated by TPR Teaching. Reddit: Source.
Caitriona Maria is an education writer and founder of TPR Teaching, crafting inspiring pieces that promote the importance of developing new skills. For 7 years, she has been committed to providing students with the best learning opportunities possible, both domestically and abroad. Dedicated to unlocking students' potential, Caitriona has taught English in several countries and continues to explore new cultures through her travels.