His Wife Became Too Heavy So He Threatened to Leave Her, Feeling That It Was The Only Option Left

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A young man received significant attention on social media after sharing his story about how unhappy he was with his overweight wife, so much so that he considered leaving her.

Background

Is a spouse’s weight ever a reasonable excuse for divorce? A 32-year-old man shared how he was considering leaving his wife because of her weight gain. Sharing that he still loved his wife, he reached out to social media to figure out whether separation was the right approach.

She Gained Weight During Pregnancy

The original poster’s wife “put on a good amount of baby weight” during her pregnancy. Three years later, instead of losing the added pounds, she gained more and more weight.

He wondered at the time if it was post-partum depression (a type of depression that happens after giving birth, according to the Cleveland Clinic).

She Needed Therapy

overweight woman covering face with hands

The original poster (OP) suggested his wife seek therapy as a means to cope and overcome her depression. She took the advice and found a therapist to support her. She also began taking anti-depressants.

While it took some time to find the proper medicine, once she and her therapist got it right, the pills helped. The husband said, “She’s been fine mentally” ever since.

She Was Dangerously Overweight

Despite the improvements to her mental health, his wife’s physical health remained an issue. Over the course of the next three years, she continued to put on weight. With a height of 5’2 and a weight of 260 pounds, her BMI reached “close to 50.”

What is BMI?

The BMI, or Body Mass Index, is a ratio between height and weight. According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), a BMI of 30.0 or above is considered obese. The husband’s concern stemmed not from a lack of physical attraction but from fear that “she will die if she continues to gain weight.”

He Wanted Her to Be Healthy

OP tried various strategies to motivate his wife. He invited her to go to the gym with him. He offered to start a diet with her, saying they would eliminate fast food together. He suggested active hobbies to help burn calories. His wife turned down every single one of his ideas.

Lose The Weight, Or I Will Leave You

At a loss, he felt like his only option was to give his wife an ultimatum. She could either “genuinely try” to lose the weight, or he would leave her.

OP went on to say, “I can’t watch the women I love and mother of my child slowly kill herself. I don’t want to be the dude who gives an ultimatum, but I see no other choice.”

Torn over the decision, he sought advice from his online community.

Social Media Users Were Divided

The reception to his initial post was not great. He was called names for even mentioning his wife’s weight. Users pointed out that a person can be “overweight and healthy,” to which he countered by emphasizing his wife was obese—not merely overweight.

He Insisted He Was Concerned About Her Health

“You cannot be obese and healthy, at least not long term,” he wrote. He addressed comments labeling his concerns as vanity by sharing his own story and perspective. “I understand weight loss isn’t easy, I used to be overweight, but my concern isn’t that’s she not the same way she looked when we got together; it’s that she may not live to see our son become a teenager.”

He Made a Decision To Talk To His Wife

Not all the comments were negative, however. Some advised him to face the situation head-on. He got some “real good feedback” and decided to talk to his wife directly about his feelings before making a decision.

After putting his son to bed, OP asked his wife if they could speak in the kitchen. He said he needed her to “at least try and be healthier.” Prior talks had failed to convey how seriously concerned he was, so this time, he mentioned the idea of separation.

He says sharing that piece “put the nail in the coffin” and got her to understand. “The conversation was probably the hardest one I’ve ever had.”

His Wife Made Her Health a Priority

In the five months since that difficult conversation, his wife has lost 35 pounds. “I am so proud of her; it’s ridiculous,” he shared in an update. The first month proved challenging, but she is now losing weight at a “healthy moderate rate.”

Spending Time Together

The couple also started exercising together. Three days a week, they walk for a mile or two, listening to music or talking. “I know it sounds corny to say, but she even seems happier, and her confidence is coming back as well.”

You Go, Girl!

OP thanked those who supported him and whose advice guided him to this point. Users celebrated the triumph with him. Many shared that while his first approach to an ultimatum wasn’t great, they could tell it came from a place of love. Some were happy to see his excitement and hear about his wife’s weight loss. “Rooting for her!” one user wrote.

Social Media Users Shared Their Journeys

Other users took the opportunity to seek advice for their own weight loss journeys. A user wrote: “If I’m at that height and weight range? What do I do? Eating is my source of stress relief and happiness when I’m not with my partner. How do I get help?”

Another user shared about their own obesity and weight loss journey and commended the OP on his choice to have those tough conversations. “When your friends and family honestly love you,” the user stated, “they will actually have the terrible, hard, gut-wrenching conversation with you about stuff you don’t want to hear.”

The Couple Are Happy Once Again

The post has become a place of supportive comments directed at the OP and his wife but also at those willing to share their stories and seek help. In the end, both OP and his wife are happier and looking forward to a healthier future together.