“Someone please help me understand my transgender child!” A mother went viral on social media after seeking advice as she struggled to raise a trans child.
Trying to Figure Out Who They Are
In her post, the mother opened up about when she was younger.
She confessed to being quite a tomboy and low maintenance.
As a result, she was taken aback when her daughter turned out to be the polar opposite, displaying a keen interest in hair, makeup, and fashion from a young age.
She Loved Being A Girl
“When she was three, her babysitter took her to get nails and hair extensions, and she loved it. She grew into watching makeup and fashion boys and has always been ahead of the curve,” the mother said.
The Meltdowns Began
The mother found raising her daughter particularly challenging, admitting that she always tries to push the boundaries.
“She had a meltdown at 12 years old because I wouldn’t buy her an $80 6-color eyeshadow palette. But I’ve held my nose and tried,” the mother said.
A Bumpy Ride
The child then started trying out different labels, no longer wishing to be she/her. They said they were lesbian, then bi, then pan, then male, then non-binary, then female again.
“I’m sure I missed a few, but it’s been a roller coaster. They tasted the whole rainbow,” said the author.
Trying To Figure Out What She Really Identifies With
The mother noted that she was religious, which may have been the reason her daughter was “shaky and afraid” when she came out again.
However, the mother did not press her religion on her child, giving them space to come to terms with their own spiritual beliefs.
Or Did She Just Want More Drama?
For this reason, the coming outs weren’t full of drama.
“I think they were disappointed it wasn’t more dramatic, which is why the coming outs kept coming,” the mother pondered in her post.
It Became Hard to Know Which Pronouns To Use
The mother subscribed to “they” pronouns to keep things neutral, as sometimes she/her pronouns caused offense while other days it would not.
Growing Up Wasn’t Always Easy For The Child
The mother noted that the child had a difficult time growing up due to their father’s abuse.
The mother fought for her child’s safety and managed to get them away from their father four years prior.
This had been a long and hard battle for the family, and the child had been attending therapy since the age of eight.
Needing Help— What Should She Do?
Feeling lost and confused, the mother reached out to social media for advice as she wanted to know how other people handled similar situations.
“Honestly, the whole gender identity thing completely baffles me. I don’t see any meaning in gender besides as a descriptor of biological differences. I’ve done a ton of online research and never found anything that makes a lick of sense to me,” she added.
Social Media Users Responded to The Story
“Please emphasize to the child that therapy is not intended to “fix” them but simply help them sort through who they are and become comfortable with that.
Don’t let your child think that you believe they are broken in any way,” one person said.
Therapy is The Solution
A mother of a trans child spoke up. “A professional will help them work through it. My child transitioned, and therapy helped him solidify his identity. On the other hand, a friend of mine had a child who came out as trans, but after a year of therapy, she realized she wasn’t trans.
It was another issue they were working through that just manifested in a way they didn’t understand. Whatever your child is going through, a therapist will help them get it sorted.
Set Boundaries And Structure
One commenter emphasized that even though kids may not feel it, they need boundaries and structure in their lives.
It’s important for parents to maintain these structures as part of raising a child— such as having them go to bed and wake up at the same time, eating regularly, completing homework on time, and participating in physical activity every day.
Don’t Give Up
“They will hate you for it now, but they’ll thank you for it later,” the commenter, who admitted to being a gay man, said.
“My mom was confused by my situation, so she just let go. And I blew away. I wish someone would have helped me stay grounded.”
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Caitriona Maria is an education writer and founder of TPR Teaching, crafting inspiring pieces that promote the importance of developing new skills. For 7 years, she has been committed to providing students with the best learning opportunities possible, both domestically and abroad. Dedicated to unlocking students' potential, Caitriona has taught English in several countries and continues to explore new cultures through her travels.