Their Daughter Is Keeping Her College Choice a Secret, Thinking It’s Fun To “Get On Their Nerves”

A 55-year-old man and his 17-year-old daughter recently returned from a college visit, which they had undertaken by flying and staying in a hotel.

The daughter was accepted by five colleges, and she narrowed down her choices to three. After visiting all three colleges, she made a decision on which she liked best but chose not to tell her parents. According to the father, she won’t tell them “until maybe the end of the week.”

This left the parents feeling quite frustrated, as they had many expenses to pay to visit the colleges.

“My wife’s comment was we’ve spent a great deal of money with trips, airline fare, hotels, meals, etc., for all of this,” the father said.

At the airport, during their layover, the daughter said she was finding it fun to keep them in suspense about her decision. The father explained that he needed to plan for housing and finances, but the daughter accused him of “guilting her.” The daughter stopped communicating with him, instead giving him “the silent treatment.”

“I’m trying to plan on where I’m moving money around for the down payment, etc., we are paying for her undergrad and maybe some grad school, if not all of it,” the father explained.

The father is concerned about the housing queue that is due to start soon and the financial implications of his daughter’s decision, and he feels like he is being unfairly portrayed as the bad guy.

Am I an a***ole for asking for this decision?” he questioned. “I didn’t threaten anything, but I don’t think she understands the ramifications of this decision. I don’t understand why I’m the bad guy all of a sudden.”

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Reactions on Social Media

The users of Reddit felt as though the daughter should learn that actions have consequences. The overall consensus was that the father was not an a***ole (NTA).

“Not an a***ole,” one person stated. “But I think this is a good opportunity for her to experience the consequences of her actions. Stop asking, stop complaining, and stop saying anything about college to her. If she gets crap accommodation, or if there are money problems, that is on her. Let her experience it.”

“Agree with this,” one user said. “You can just let her know that you will not be doing X bank stuff currently; the delays will create Y consequences, so she should prepare to do Z.”

The commenters revealed their true thoughts. “NTA for asking her, even pressing her, but how does a kid who’s going to college not understand down payments and housing queues? Without trying to insult your daughter… are you sure she’s ready? She sounds extremely immature.”

“Play stupid games, win stupid prizes,” one person wrote. “Tell her unless she tells you otherwise, you’re going to plan on having money available for the cheapest option on her list. If it turns out that wasn’t her pick, too bad.”

Other commenters felt as though the daughter was displaying regressive behaviors as a response to the stress, which they considered completely normal.

“Sometimes, when teenagers are confronted with the fact that they’re about to move on to another stage of life on the road to adulthood, they subconsciously regress a little and go back to being a little more childish,” one person explained. “It’s a natural response, like nostalgia in action… Just reassure her that you’re there for her, she has a solid foundation, and she’s going to be fine as she moves into the future.”

This article Their Daughter Won’t Tell Them The College She Has Chosen, Thinking It’s Fun To “Get On Their Nerves,” was produced by TPR Teaching. Source.


Caitriona Maria is an education writer and founder of TPR Teaching, crafting inspiring pieces that promote the importance of developing new skills. For 7 years, she has been committed to providing students with the best learning opportunities possible, both domestically and abroad. Dedicated to unlocking students' potential, Caitriona has taught English in several countries and continues to explore new cultures through her travels.

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