She Told the Transgender Bully She Would Always Be the “Boy Who Bullied Me.” Was She Wrong?

A former middle school student elicited more than 34,000 reactions and over 2,700 comments on social media for her story about a transgender woman who had bullied her in the past and was seeking forgiveness.

OP was “viciously bullied” in middle school by an individual who, twelve years later, came out as a transgender woman. According to OP, this individual named Z* used to spread rumors and call her names, making her school life “a living hell.”

Recently, Z got in touch over social media, insisting they meet, and the two former classmates went out for coffee together.

OP’s bully came clean and admitted that she was mean in middle school and apologized for everything, saying it was because she was struggling with her gender identity. OP thanked her for apologizing.

However, when asked if she was forgiven, OP could not give an answer. OP explained that the apology did not change what had happened years ago. According to OP, she was an “impressionable young girl” and that it had greatly impacted her life and “self-esteem.”

Z became offended and said that OP should forgive her. Things got heated, and OP blurted, “You will always be the boy that bullied me. An apology won’t change that.”

The former bully accused OP of being petty, transphobic, vindictive, and ignorant before storming out.

This situation left OP wondering if she was wrong for what she said.

*Z is a fake name and is used as a stand-in name for the bully.

Read More: “Weaponizing Her Femininity” By Crying Since The Teacher Wouldn’t Stop Another Student Harassing Her

Reactions From Social Media

OP’s case has sparked debate on whether or not someone in her situation is justified in making such comments. Many people who weighed in on OP’s case noted that Z was likely seeking forgiveness for their own benefit rather than out of genuine remorse.

One person noted how angry Z got when OP wasn’t immediately forgiving her. “That’s how you know someone really isn’t sorry.”

“She wanted to apologize for her sake, not yours,” said another.

For one commenter, they like to ask the person apologizing why they are sorry. Apparently, if they respond “quickly enough” with a thoughtful explanation about her and her feelings, she knows it’s a sincere apology.

However, if the person pauses or struggles to formulate an explanation that “isn’t all about themselves” and their own feelings, then they are just trying to make themselves feel better.

Should We Forget Trans People’s Past?

Others raised the point that a transgender person’s past should not be forgotten just because of their transition, as memories and experiences are still part of who they are.

“If they bullied you as a boy in the past, the male-to-female transition wouldn’t affect that,” one person said. “You don’t have memories of Z as a female bullying you. Therefore no matter what the present or future has to do with them, they will always be that boy in your mind.”

“OP is not an a***ole for what she said because the memories are of a boy bullying her,” another said. “She could’ve said, ‘you’ll always be the person who bullied me,’ but Z was presenting as male when the bullying happened, and those are OP’s memories.”

“A lot of trans people seem to think that you HAVE to forget about who they were and anything they did before their transition,” one person added. “And mentioning it is the same as violence, bigotry, and transphobia.”

“I don’t know; the only people who try to hide their past that much tend to have f**ked up things in their closets.”

This article I Told the Transgender Bully That She Would Always Be the “Boy Who Bullied Me was produced and syndicated by TPR Teaching. This article was inspired by Reddit and does not necessarily represent the views and opinions of TPR Teaching.

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I'm an Irish tutor and founder of TPR Teaching. I started teaching in 2016 and have since taught in the UK, Spain, and online.

I love learning new things about the English language and how to teach it better. I'm always trying to improve my knowledge, so I can better meet the needs of others!

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