Transgender Man Wants To Use The Male Toilets But Feels Uncomfortable— Seeks Advice on Social Media

Do men care who’s in the restroom with them? The debate over gender-neutral bathrooms has usually centered around women’s restrooms. As the conversation continues, trans men have also begun to voice their concerns. 

Is there a specific point in transition that makes it okay for a person born as female to use the men’s restroom? Does the ability to pass for a male make a difference?

Unlike the conflicting debate over trans women using women’s restrooms, the response on the male side seems fairly unified. According to a viral post on social media, where a trans man asked for cisgender men to weigh in on the topic, most men shared varying levels of acceptance. 

The Centers for Disease Control defines cisgender as “individuals whose current gender identity is the same as the sex they were assigned at birth” and transgender as “individuals whose current gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth.”

The original poster has been medically transitioning from female to male for four months. According to the American Psychological Association, transitioning refers to “the process of shifting toward a gender role different from that assigned at birth, which can include social transition, such as new names, pronouns and clothing, and medical transition, such as hormone therapy or surgery.”

While the poster does not consider himself as “passing” (able to appear like a cisgender male), he has started to exhibit some traditionally male features, like facial hair and a deeper voice. Due in part to these features—particularly the facial hair—he felt much more comfortable using the men’s restroom.

Despite his comfort, the Redditor shared that he experienced some “funny looks.” On the post, he wondered if his presence perhaps made other men uncomfortable. However, women were uncomfortable sharing the bathroom with him at this point, which left the men’s restroom as his only option.

READ MORE: Teacher Forces High Schooler To Join Zoom Class While Receiving Blood Transfusion

Social Media Users Responded to the Post

An overwhelming number of men responded that they neither cared nor noticed what other people did in the restroom. Therefore, they were unlikely to observe if a trans man entered the space. 

“I have not once inspected, sized up, or otherwise noticed a single human in any bathroom ever, I think,” one user wrote. “I kinda just keep my eyes down, walk into my stall, sh** in privacy as far from everyone as I can, and leave.” 

Another commenter echoed the sentiment: “Just follow the rule. Eyes straight. And no talking to others… Men’s bathrooms are not a social get-together. Pee. Wash hands and go.”

Some commenters also brought up public worry about the idea of predators taking advantage of being trans to harm others. Although multiple posts stated that they did not assume danger simply because a person using the restroom is trans, not all agreed. Despite these mostly encouraging responses, a handful of users did assert their belief that men would “care and judge and complain” if trans people used their restroom.

Men And Women Are Different

Other men in the post’s comment section compared the differences between men’s and women’s restrooms. Men typically do not go to the bathroom in groups, nor do they use the space to socialize. Women, on the other hand, go to the bathroom with friends.

As one user put it: “I think you might be getting ‘looks’ because of your behavior and not your actual looks (passing etc.). If you act awkward or unsure, then that’s odd behavior in a bathroom.”

The same Redditor went on to explain how the men’s bathroom is efficient and task-oriented, whereas “the women’s bathroom is like a teashop sometimes.”

The user then advised the original poster to “keep using the men’s and try to act more casual about it. Don’t look too much at the other men; just politely avert your eyes and go to a stall.”

This advice lines up with other posts, which describe the unspoken rules of the men’s room and how (if the poster follows these guidelines) he should fit right in without concern.

The Overall Consensus: It Doesn’t Matter

Overall, users sought to reassure the original poster that the culture of the men’s restroom seems to lean towards function: “I think there’s very different bathroom culture between men and women.” One commenter wrote, “Men’s bathroom culture is not a ‘safe space’ or has any social purpose. It’s just to do your business, wash your hands, and get out. For women, it seems [to be] very different.”

According to most Redditors in this post, this difference creates a space where no man pays enough attention to others to get upset about things like gender.

This article Transgender Man Wants To Use The Male Toilets But Feels Uncomfortable, was produced and syndicated by TPR Teaching. Source: Reddit.


I'm an Irish tutor and founder of TPR Teaching. I started teaching in 2016 and have since taught in the UK, Spain, and online.

I love learning new things about the English language and how to teach it better. I'm always trying to improve my knowledge, so I can better meet the needs of others!

I enjoy traveling, nature walks, and soaking up a new culture. Please share the posts if you find them helpful!

8 thoughts on “Transgender Man Wants To Use The Male Toilets But Feels Uncomfortable— Seeks Advice on Social Media”

  1. I’m over 80, I have observed a woman use the mens room once in my life. Yhat was about 15 yrs ago. No one paid any attention!

      • Yes, it does happen in an emergency. My wife had to go really bad and the line for the lady’s was really long. I looked in the men’s and there were empty stalls. She had short hair so I pulled my hat down on her head and told her men don’t socialize, keep your head down, go to the first stall take care of business and leave. LOL, it was winter and we were wearing heavy coats, she looked like Truman Capote.

  2. Like they say in the article, men are used to restrooms not being a “safe sapce” for them. Women will use the mens’ room if there’s a line in the womens’. Society treats Womens’ spaces as something special for women and men’s spaces as something shared by all, just men sometimes get a slight preference. Men getting any preference anywhere is being treated more and more as an affront to the rest of society. Hell, equality for men is something to beshunned in favor of “Equity for women” (ie. women getting more).

    • Interesting Sean, that is certainly one way to see it. We would hope that both men and women are treated equally. This topic of discussion is a gray area where there is no real “right” answer.

  3. #1 – a transgender male doesn’t fool anyone.
    #2 – Why would anyone want to use a men’s room including men.
    #3 – Is she going to go up to the trough ?

  4. I am not okay with it.. Trans clearly don’t mean Gay!! and when Woman that claim to be Guy’s go into a Mens bathroom, get away with looking at Mens Penis’s or worse start claiming Victim if any one looks at or see’s her Vagina, then that is taking away our safe space and peace from the rest of the world we seek in the bathroom!!
    so now we can’t even go to the Bathroom without being accused of something, no wonder men are leaving in droves, to other Countries for making a Family! there is nothing for them here, not even in the bathroom!!!


Leave a Comment